In Too Hard (Freshman Roommates Trilogy, Book 3) Read online

  All lovely sentiments, and though Montrose had a friendly smile on his face for Corrine, even from where I sat I could see his eyes turn that dark and stormy grey that, if I’d been the captain of a boat and saw seas that stormy, I’d turn back and head for safer harbor.

  She was about to go even deeper about her love for Folly, when Montrose stepped away from the credenza, tossed his coat on the empty chair (Corrine apparently quickly becoming a boner-killer), and cut her off, by motioning to the neatly stacked piles behind him.

  “Yes. You can see how helpful Syd has been already, and all this was just over break.”

  She turned to me, the smile firmly on her face, as if she knew what a pleasure it must have been for me to dig around in Montrose’s notes.

  She was correct on that count.

  “And, I guess I better get ready for Monday’s classes,” he said, moving to the bookcase in the corner and pulling a binder off the shelf.

  “Yes, of course,” Corrine said, moving to the door. “It’s nice to have you back, Billy.”

  “It’s good to be back,” he said, but he was looking at me when he said it. Then he turned more fully to Corrine and said, “And it’s really good to see you again, too, Corrine.” There was genuine warmth in his voice and Corrine notice it too, because a cute little blush covered her cherubic face.

  “Let me know if you need anything—supplies, or that kind of thing,” she said to me, then with a wave she was out the door.

  Slowly, he stalked the small room toward me, locking the door, and throwing the binder on the chair, it landing on top of his coat.

  He came around the side of the desk. “Now,” he said as he placed one hand on the arm of my chair, the other on the desk, pinning me in, “where were we?”

  Chapter Thirteen

  We kissed. And kissed. And kissed some more. We moved from me sitting in my chair, to us both standing, to us both sitting on the couch, kissing the whole time.

  But, much to my frustration (and, okay, maybe a little relief) all we did was kiss. No more groping for clothes, no more pulling shirts free of jeans.

  It seemed like the kisses and groping before Corrine interrupted had taken the frenzied edge off and we were now able to relax and just enjoy…many, many, kisses.

  I hadn’t been with a guy who just wanted to kiss like that for a long time. Okay, never. It was both refreshing and frustrating.

  Yeah, really frustrating.

  But I followed his lead, and he never once moved again to remove any of my clothes, or even stick a hand under my fleece, though his hands did tend to gravitate to my ass most of the time.

  After at least an hour, (seriously, it had to be over an hour!) he broke away, placing his forehead against mine.

  “I’ve got to go,” he whispered.

  I pulled back, surprised. I guess I’d assumed if he had come back on Saturday it was so we— No. I couldn’t think like that, I couldn’t read anything in to his actions—or inactions—toward me.

  He had to make the rules, because he was worried enough about breaking them by just being with me—his employee and a student. “I’m sorry, but I have to go to a thing for the department. Just drinks, but now that Corrine saw me, I can’t use the excuse that I hadn’t come back in time to go.”

  “No. Sure. Of course you can’t.” I tried to hide my disappointment from him, but I was happy to see a smidge of the same feeling on him by the way he eyed my mouth and then let out a long sigh as he rose from the couch.

  I packed up and walked out with him, ready to call it a day. I didn’t want to be in the office anymore without Montrose. Hell, after making out on the couch (and desk) with him, I probably wouldn’t ever want to be in there without him again.

  It was dark when we left Snyder Hall, and the snow was falling. Not big, fluffy flakes that would land gracefully on my eyelashes and cheek, causing Montrose to want to gently brush them away as he gazed at me.

  No, this was that kind of hard, sleety stuff that seemed to come at us sideways, causing us to keep our heads down and not gaze at anything more than where to place our next footstep.

  There were people milling around. Not many, but after three weeks of walking around campus nearly alone, it seemed odd to see so many of my fellow students trudging through the snow.

  Montrose took our fellow companions in stride, just bidding me good night, that he’d see me Monday, and heading off in the opposite direction from me.

  I hadn’t expected a hug and kiss—I knew we could never do anything like that in public.

  Still, I walked back to Creyts with a feeling of…not exactly rejection. After all, we’d just spent over an hour proving we wanted very much to be together, in whatever capacity that turned out to be.

  I guess I was feeling a sense of uneasy acceptance. A new reality forming for me. If I wanted to be more than just an employee to Montrose (and, oh God, did I), then this was how it would be. Stolen time in his office, scurrying to right ourselves when people dropped in. Him having his own life and social events, me having mine. I suppose it wouldn’t set off campus gossip alarms if we had the occasional cup of coffee or slice of pizza in public—I did work for him after all. But that would probably be it, and it wouldn’t be too regular.

  I saw a lot of Chinese delivery in our future.

  I guess it should have added an element of excitement to the idea that Montrose and I were…going to be Montrose and I, and what all that entailed.

  The taboo of it all, the secrecy. But honestly, I didn’t need the added thrill. I was quite thrilled enough that I would be able to spend a semester in the company of Billy Montrose.

  And his kisses.

  When I got to my room, I knew immediately from the open doors, the lights and music (something from the seventies) coming from the other side of the suite, that Jane was back.

  Sure, Jane and I certainly had our bumps early on, but a warm feeling buzzed through me to know that my suitemate was back. I threw my backpack, coat, beanie and mittens on the empty bed and quickly made my way through the empty bathroom to Lily and Jane’s side of the suite.

  “Welcome back,” I said as I entered, delighted to find not only Jane, but Lily as well.

  “Hey,” Jane said from her bed, where she was sprawled on her back, phone in hand. She put the phone down and propped herself up with some pillows. “You survived the barren halls of Bribury. No ghosts?”

  I chuckled. “Nope. I made it. It was kind of weird, though.”

  Lily was standing near her bed, but came over and gave me a hug, then returned to unpacking her bags. “Oh, my God,” she said, looking me over. “I got the same boots for Christmas.” She pointed at my new combat boots as she held up a pair of her own, pulled from a huge duffle bag on wheels. It looked like Louis Vuitton had gone Army or something.

  The inner relief I felt was huge. I had indeed gotten the right pair. Now, I know most girls might have been pissed that they had the same piece of clothing as their roommate, but not me. Not if said roommate was Lily Spaulding, who innately knew the right thing to wear. I would blend with Lily, and thus with Bribury.

  “That’s random,” I said, like I hadn’t agonized over getting the right pair only a few weeks ago. I noticed my new boots were leaving small puddles underneath me from the melting snow. I undid them and placed them on the little mat by the door, then went to join Jane, crawling onto the foot of her bed, my back against the wall, my feet hanging over the side. She nudged me with a toe—Jane’s version of a big welcome hug—and I squeezed her thick wool sock in reply.

  “How long have you guys been here?” I asked.

  “I’ve been here a couple of hours,” Jane answered. “Lily just showed up about twenty minutes ago. I was going to text you, but figured you’d be back any minute. Where have you been?”

  “I was at work,” I answered.

  “On Saturday?” Lily asked. She’d finished unpacking, flattening her duffle and sliding it under her bed, then sacked out on her st
omach, pulling a pillow under her head and turning on her side to face Jane and me. “Man, that new system must be pretty shaky if they’re still doing testing the weekend before classes start.”

  My mind raced with how much to tell Jane and Lily about my job with Montrose. I didn’t want to lie to them, but I was not prepared to talk about even the clerical work I was doing for him, let alone the…other activities he and I had been engaged in.

  I wanted to keep it to myself for a while, it felt so new and so fragile. And I wasn’t even sure what “it” was.

  “Actually, I was able to pick up another job for the semester, some more of the same kind of clerical work, also on campus, but I can work around my other job, so…weekends and evenings.”

  I could feel Jane’s laser-like focus on me and I tried hard not to give any kind of tell that I was holding back something important. I ignored her, and kept my gaze on Lily.

  “Well, that’ll be nice for your checkbook, but are you sure that won’t stretch you too thin? Two jobs, full load of classes?”

  “And partying,” Jane added, making Lily and me smile, for which I was grateful.

  “No worries,” I said and tweaked Jane’s big toe through her sock. “I will have my priorities well in place. Partying first, for sure.”

  “Damn straight,” she said. Lily just rolled her eyes at both of us and turned on to her back, staring up at the ceiling.

  Eager to turn the conversation off of me and my new job—let alone my new boss—I said to Lily, “So, how did bringing Lucas home to meet the family go?”

  A wide smile crossed her face first, and Jane poked me with her foot to make sure I’d noticed. I had. But then Lily’s smile faded a bit and more of a melancholy look took over her beautiful face. “It went okay. No, I guess better than okay. Or at least better than I’d expected.”

  “Lots of covert sneaking into each other’s rooms at night after Mommy and Daddy went to bed?” Jane asked.

  Lily took a deep breath, then let it out in a sigh. “Well, no, not really. And not for lack of trying on my part. Lucas got all weirded out about sleeping together in my parents’ house. Said it would be disrespectful or something.”

  Jane hooted with laughter and Lily shot her a glare, but then softened and laughed along. “I know. Ridiculous, right? But I couldn’t sway him. He came back to Schoolport on New Year’s Day. I can’t wait to see him.” As if on cue, Lily’s phone buzzed and she smiled as soon as she looked at the screen. She answered in a low voice and looked around the room. I motioned for her to take her love-talk call in my room and she nodded and got off her bed and left the room, closing the adjoining door behind her. Leaving Jane and me alone.

  “So, how was your sister’s wedding,” I asked, even though we’d talked about it on the phone already. I kind of wondered if, now that time had passed, and we were together in person and not on the phone, she’d be more forthcoming about the guy she’d danced with. And kissed.

  “Half sister,” she clarified. “And like I said on the phone, it was fine.”

  I didn’t want to push, because I certainly didn’t want her pushing me for any details, but I couldn’t stop myself. “So, no good guys there? With all of the groom’s friends?”

  She snorted. “Those guys couldn’t get away from me soon enough. My…half brother, Joey, took me off the hands of the groomsman assigned to dance with me, and you’ve never seen a look more filled with relief.”

  I crossed my legs and turned to face her more fully. “Oh, come on, I’ll bet you looked fantastic. You’re telling me not one guy showed any interest?”

  Another snort, but it took a longer time coming and didn’t have quite the…oomph as the one previous. “Does an eighty-year-old geezer with wandering hands count? I told you about him, right?”

  “Yes,” I said, studying her carefully. Perhaps a bit too carefully, as she narrowed her eyes at me. “Why all the questions about guys at the wedding?”

  Did I dare tip my hand? Mention I heard she had danced—and kissed—someone other than the old goat Senator? But that could all lead back to Montrose, and Jane was one sharp cookie.

  I waved a hand nonchalantly, as if the question had minimal merit to me. “Just wondering if anyone got lucky over break. Sounds like Lily got frozen out by Lucas’ good-guy morals.”

  “I kind of don’t blame him, though,” Jane said, surprising me. Jane was always one to rebel against what was expected of her. “I mean, Grayson Spaulding can be a formidable opponent. I think Lucas is smart enough to know that he should stay on Grayson’s good side if he’s going to go long term with Lily.”

  “You’ve been around them more than I have. Do you think that’s the play? Long term?”

  She looked thoughtful for a moment, then nodded her head. “Yeah, I do. They’ve got a lot going against them…but…yeah, I think so. I know they think so.”

  Wow. Halfway through freshman year and Lily was in deep. A third of our group was basically on the bench.

  Jane and I looked at each other, neither one of us willing—or able—to talk about the men that may, or may not, be our equivalent of Lily’s Lucas.

  Lily came back into the room then, and it seemed irrelevant to ask her if she wanted to go out tonight, it was obvious by her smile she’d be seeing Lucas later.

  We spent the next couple of hours before Lily left just sitting on the beds and shooting the shit.

  Lily didn’t stop talking about Lucas.

  Jane didn’t bring up Ponytail.

  I never mentioned Montrose.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I won’t be in until after four. I texted to Montrose Sunday morning. I’d received a call from the people at the admin building. They wanted to do some last minute testing before the new system went live at midnight and asked if I could come in. I initially said I couldn’t, but they must have been desperate because they offered triple-time pay, which I couldn’t pass up.

  No problem. Except, I’ll miss you by an hour. I need to leave by three. Montrose replied to my text. I was already at the admin building, in my little cubicle, going through the list of data that needed to be entered. It was a long list, and I’d be hard-pressed to make it to Snyder Hall by four, but I’d wanted to give Montrose some time to expect me.

  My disappointment that I wouldn’t see him at all threatened to pull me under. But then I remembered it was just the beginning of the semester, and we would have a lot of time together.

  I knew I needed to be careful with Montrose and not let the intensity of my feelings show through or I was sure he’d be scared off. I also couldn’t let him know that I’d basically been in love with him (at least from afar) for five years.

  I definitely needed to follow his lead on this—showing only as much commitment and emotion as he did.

  It was kind of like making sure I bought the right kind of boots. I wanted to fit in to Montrose’s life as much as I wanted to look like the Bribury girls.

  So of course I didn’t text back asking where he was going this afternoon. That’s too bad. But lots there to keep me busy. I replied. Cool. Casual. All business. I had to physically put the phone down so I wouldn’t keep texting.

  I have to meet with the rest of the department to learn the new grading system. Though I suppose you could probably show me that.

  I probably could. I was tasked with ways of breaking the system, so probably not the best person to show you how to use it correctly.

  Is that what you’re doing today? Breaking the system I’m taking the time to learn?

  Kind of. I’ll be careful not to take down anything you might need later.

  Big of ya.

  All for the greater good of my fellow Bribury students.

  There was a pause, and I put my phone down again, thinking that if the conversation was over, I wasn’t going to be the one typing over and over “Are you still there?”

  Sorry. He finally typed. You just reminded me you’re a student. As if the faculty event last night wasn�
�t reminder enough.

  I wanted to deflect and distract him from the fact that I was a student, but really, there was no deflecting it. It was a fact. Instead I texted How was the event last night?

  Good, actually. Much as I would have liked to stay exactly where I was. Which was on his office couch, kissing the crap out of me. I really enjoyed it. Of course, with that group, the subject of books we’ve read recently came up and so that was a good conversation.

  Anybody read the new John Irving and have anything to say? I finished it over break.

  You worked two jobs AND had time to read Irving’s latest? He’s not exactly a quick read.

  I TOLD you I could handle two jobs and classes.

  Yeah, if you can handle Irving, what’s a little Advanced Chem?

  Haha.

  Actually, yeah, I heard someone talking about the new Irving book. It wasn’t in the group I was sitting with, though, so I didn’t catch what they were saying.

  Too bad. I’d like to hear someone in the literary world’s thoughts on it.

  What are YOUR thoughts on it?

  He’d spent the evening amongst Bribury’s strongest literary minds and wanted my opinion? Umm…no. I wasn’t going to open myself up like that. I wasn’t about to make him question my suitability for this job by trying to sum up a very complex author’s newest masterpiece.

  I probably should get back to work here. Systems to break, after all.

  Sure. Of course. But one more thing about last night.

  Yes?

  There were a bunch of times when I thought to myself, “Syd should be here with me, she’d love this.” And then I would remember that you couldn’t be with me. Not as my plus one or anything. But…well…I thought about you.

  That’s nice. It was more than “nice” to me, but again, I wasn’t going to show my cards this early into the hand.

  Did you think about me?

  So much for showing my cards. Before I could stop my fingers, I texted back. I think about you all the time.